


First of May

by firesign10



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Circus, Drama & Romance, First Time, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-13
Updated: 2015-01-13
Packaged: 2018-03-07 12:18:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 19,504
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3173554
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/firesign10/pseuds/firesign10
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The circus is in town! Jared Padalecki's just been hired by Sheppard's Spectacular Circus, and he's caught up in a swirl of activity, performances, and intrigue. If that's not enough excitement in his new life, he finds himself drawn to the fascinating, attractive ringmaster, Jensen Ackles.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

 

Jared Padalecki breathed deeply as he strode over the hard-packed earth of the circus grounds. The air was rich with the earthy smells of straw and animals, the tantalizing ones of cotton candy and popcorn. The crowd was light, as the matinee was still over an hour away, but children and adults alike straggled around the grounds, laughing and pointing at the clowns and performers moving between tents. Jared's heart raced with excitement to think that this bright, colorful place might be his new job--his new home.

He was there to meet with Mark Sheppard, the owner of Sheppard's Spectacular Circus, to interview for the position of animal wrangler. If he was hired, his job would be to care for the animals of the circus; supply their feed, arrange for their medical care, help with their training. To Jared, it was a dream job.

Jared's life so far had been spent where the circus was currently located--in the small town of Chester, a cluster of businesses and homes ringed by a widely rural populace. His life had been school and his parents and friends, until he'd started working at the zoo in the much larger town of Percy nearby. It had meant a lot of work on his part, long hours spent studying biology and chemistry, and more hours learning how to care for the zoo animals. He'd loved animals all his life, taken care of them, and he'd thoroughly enjoyed working the last few years at the zoo. He was as comfortable with the exotic species as he was with horses and dogs, and he hoped that the job at the circus would turn out to be the perfect fit for him. He was ready for a change, ready to build a new life, one as an independent adult, and working with the circus animals while traveling the country was a tremendously exciting prospect.

He found a trailer with "Sheppard" painted on it in purple and gold lettering, and knocked on the door. When no one answered immediately, he waited patiently, looking around at the increasing number of patrons, fighting down his nerves. He knocked again, louder, reminding himself that he had an appointment and therefore a right to be there, and this time the door swung open. A bearded man stood in the doorway, the fine fabric of his dark suit elegantly encasing his portly form. A somewhat balding pate was offset by the beard running down his cheeks and around his chin. Alert, dark eyes, deep-set and suspicious, darted around, checking Jared out quickly before a surprisingly strong hand grabbed him and pulled him inside.

"You Jared?" growled a rough voice with a thick English accent. "Park yer bum. I'm Mark Sheppard, owner of this loony bin on wheels." He huffed as he dropped into a leather chair, focusing those sharp eyes on Jared. "Tell me about yourself, boyo."

Jared cleared his throat a little nervously. He'd already sent in his work history and experience to Mr. Sheppard, but he began reciting it anyway, prepared to go over every detail again if necessary.

"My name is Jared Padalecki, and I wrote to you about my interest in the animal wrangler position you have open. I've spent the last three years working full-time at the Musgrove Zoo in Percy, and I was part-time there another two years before that. I've worked with big cats, monkeys, horses, dogs, and a host of creatures in-between. I can oversee their care, their feeding, and even help with their training. I love animals, and I don't mind that the work can be messy or difficult. I just want to take care of them, and do a good job of it."

He paused, unsure if he should go on. Sheppard nodded and waggled a finger for Jared to continue, somehow managing to look interested and bored at the same time.

"I'm twenty-two years old, I've finished school, and I'm on my own. My parents live--lived--here in Chester, but they both passed away last year and I don't have any other family. I want to travel, to see more than just this couple of towns. I love animals, and I think I would be a good fit. I'm strong, I get along with people, I'm ready for some excitement, and . . . that's it, I guess." He looked at Sheppard, who got up from his seat and came over to Jared. He looked Jared up and down rather like he was buying a horse, picking up his hands and studying the calluses, running a hand casually over Jared's shoulders and arms, feeling the muscles there. Jared was tempted to open his mouth so Sheppard could count his teeth, but managed to restrain himself.

Sheppard went back to his chair, sitting down and gazing impassively at Jared. Jared tried to resist fidgeting under the scrutiny of those dark, hooded eyes; his nerves had calmed down during his brief speech, but now they flared again, goading his limbs into restless movement. It was hard to sit quietly when someone was deciding what the next part of your life was going to be. Sheppard tapped a finger against his pursed mouth, humming tunelessly, looking Jared over yet again before gazing out the window for several minutes.

Jared occupied himself by looking around the trailer--he was curious about it, since he'd be living in one if he got hired. It was a good-sized space, but packed full of shelves and bins, with kitchen implements hanging on one wall over a tiny stove and sink while a rack of fancy suits ran down another. At the far end, Jared could see a built-in bunk piled high with pillows and blankets, while the desk Sheppard was sitting at took up the wall that the door was in. There were small rectangular windows in each wall that looked quite grubby and had grimy velvet curtains hanging over them. In general, the whole place could use a good turn-out and tidy, Jared thought fastidiously, and he resolved that his trailer, should he in fact get one, would be kept in better shape than this.

"You're hired," said Sheppard laconically.

Jared almost didn't understand him for a moment, but as the words registered, his face split in a grin so wide he thought his face would split in two. He was hired. Jared Padalecki was the new animal wrangler for Sheppard's Spectacular Circus. He barely kept himself from jumping up and yelling, but instead he simply said, "Thank you!" in a very heart-felt manner. Sheppard just vaguely waved a hand at him.

  


It took a few days to get all of his things sorted out and packed up, including disposing of what he didn't need or couldn't transport. Jared gave notice at his apartment, the tiny place he'd rented after selling his parents' house. There was closing out his bank account, forwarding his mail, buying some new luggage and clothes, and so on. Three days after the meeting with Sheppard, Jared found himself back on the circus grounds, early in the bright, chilly morning, with his bags and suitcases piled at his feet. The grounds were deserted, and he looked around for someone--anyone--to tell him where he should be. He hadn't realized no one would be meeting him, and he was at a loss for which direction to even start heading in. It was moments like this that he felt very young and inexperienced.

"You're here early. Most of the circus folk won't be up for another couple of hours. We're late risers, generally speaking. It's the nighttime performances, you know?" A sultry yet sweet voice addressed him. He looked for the speaker and found himself gazing at a beautiful woman standing nearby. Her hair glinted copper and russet in the sun, falling to her shoulders in rich waves around her face, and her eyes were a warm brown under smoothly arched brows. Her creamy, pale skin was accented by bright red lips, now smiling over white teeth. Her elegant looks were only mildly offset by her puffy vest, flannel shirt, and baggy sweatpants stuffed into rubber boots.

"You're a tall one," she purred, looking him up and down. "Are you a new act?"

"No--uh, no. I'm the new animal wrangler. Jared. Jared Padalecki." He nodded to her, feeling tongue-tied and clumsy. There hadn't been many beautiful women in his life to date, and he felt like a twelve year old boy suddenly.

"Really! That's wonderful! Then we'll be working together--I'm Danneel Harris, and I have an elephant act. My girl Sophie and I have been together over five years, and she's an absolute doll." She grabbed one of Jared's smaller bags and said, "Come on, First of May, let's find you your trailer. Sheppard's probably already forgotten that he hired you."

Jared scooped up the rest of his belongings and quickly followed her. He asked as they walked, "First of May? What's that?"

She laughed merrily. "New hire, new person joining the circus. Always called First of May, because we hire in the spring for the year's circuit. Like a spring lamb!"

She wasted no time before banging on Sheppard's trailer, finally rousting the man, judging by his appearing at his door in a very unkempt, unshaven state, growling something at her before slamming the door. She cheerfully ignored his ire and led Jared over to a trailer several yards away.

"Here you go--it belonged to the wrangler before you, Martin. He was getting too old to keep up with the constant traveling and the animals' upkeep, so he decided to retire and go live with his daughter and her family. It's probably going to need some cleaning out, but it's all yours." Danneel plopped his bag down and smiled brightly at him. Jared smiled back, feeling that her cheerful nature and lovely appearance made for a very appreciated welcome.

"Thank you! I'm quite grateful, I would not have braved Sheppard so early in the morning."

She waved her hand dismissively. "He's all bark. Now you go ahead and unpack a bit, start getting yourself sorted out. It's breakfast in about an hour, over at that big brown tent, see it? So come over then and get some food, then you can start meeting everyone else, okay?" She raised up on tiptoes, laughed when she still couldn't reach Jared's face, and pulled him down, planting a kiss on his cheek. It made him feel warm and accepted. "Welcome, Jared. We're kind of an odd bunch, but a pretty good one." She sauntered away, leaving him to look after her and wonder how baggy sweats and boots could look so glamorous on anyone.

The breakfast was much appreciated after over an hour's hard work spent sorting through and throwing Martin's leftover crap out. Jared vowed to himself to never hoard old magazines or empty food containers, much less endless odd socks. He rinsed off his face and washed his hands before walking over to the brown tent, ready to eat after the grubby work of cleaning out the trailer. The fragrant aroma of warm food wafted out and drew him into the tent, hunger overriding the new-kid shyness that suddenly seized him. Big steaming pans of eggs and sausages sat next to stacks of pancakes with bowls of butter and jugs of syrup nearby. Pitchers of juice and milk were set next to a couple of huge urns of coffee, with thick white china mugs piled at the ready. Jared felt a little self-conscious about helping himself in company he didn't know, but not so much that he refrained from digging in.

Plate loaded and a steaming mug of coffee in hand, Jared hesitantly looked around for a place to sit. Danneel's bright hair caught his eye and he moved toward her, hoping he wasn't intruding. She sat at a big round table with several others, including a pretty, petite brunette woman, a rough-looking, muscular man with piercing blue eyes and a ponytail, and a tall, skinny man with a shock of blond, spiky hair and narrow eyes. They all swiveled heads to look at him, but Danneel smiled and scootched over for him to sit down next to her, an invitation he accepted gratefully.

"Guys, say hi to our First of May, Jared Pada-something. He's going to be our new animal wrangler. Jared, this is Genevieve, the star of our trained horse act; Christian, who handles the tent set-up crew; and Chad, who's...well, he's just Chad. But he's also a magician!" They all laughed as Chad glared at her, then stood up and made a sweeping bow.

Jared sat down, smiling at everyone, and quickly got busy with his food as the others talked and laughed, ribbing each other with obvious affection. He was content to observe while he ate, noting that Genevieve had a snarky sense of humor under a sweet smile, that Chad flirted outrageously with both women despite constantly getting shut down, and how Christian's quiet manner was punctuated by infrequent but hilarious statements, growled out in a husky voice. It surprised Jared how easy it was to feel comfortable with this group. He hoped it bode well for his integration into the circus performers' society.

After the meal was over, Genevieve invited Jared to come meet her horses. She had a matched set of three white Arabians--Bianca, Belle, and Blaine--as well as two white miniature ponies, Jasmine and Jasper. All of them were trained for trick riding, either with a rider or without. Jared was immediately impressed by them; they were beautiful horses with fine lines, flowing manes and tails, and obvious intelligence in their dark, liquid eyes. They looked to be in the peak of health, with gleaming coats and smooth gaits. They were very friendly, nuzzling and snuffling at Jared's hands when he offered them some cut-up apples Genevieve had ready for them. He thanked her and told her he looked forward to seeing their act. She seemed to be giving him looks that conveyed more than simple friendly interest, but he hoped he was reading her reactions incorrectly. The last thing he wanted in his new world were romantic complications right off the bat. Especially since he didn't care for women romantically, the way Genevieve seemed to be hoping for. That was a discussion he didn't want to have.

Leaving Genevieve with some relief to practice with her horses, he decided to look up Sophie, Danneel's elephant. Danneel was practicing with her as he entered the tent, rolling balls to Sophie who returned them with a flick of her trunk. Jared watched with great interest for a few minutes before making his presence known.

"She's gorgeous, Danneel."

Danneel scoffed. "Danni, please. Danneel makes it sound like I should be having tea with the rich and famous." She signaled to Sophie, who lumbered over and began running the sensitive tip of her trunk over Jared. He knew to stand still and let her get to know him a bit, chuckling a bit as her nose tickled. Sophie was surprisingly gentle, so he knew she was used to receiving only kind treatment. Satisfied that she was well-cared for, Jared promised Danni he would watch their act that night. They would talk later about what kind of schedule her feedings and care warranted. He was happy to be getting a feel for the animals under his care.

As he returned to his trailer and the rest of his unpacking, Jared saw Sheppard exiting the main tent, speaking testily to a man Jared hadn't seen before. He was tall, although not as tall as Jared himself, but still several inches above Sheppard. He had light brown hair and broad shoulders that narrowed into slim hips, as Jared could see from how his leather jacket and jeans hugged his form. As the two men began walking while they talked, Jared was captivated to see the tall man's legs were bowed, making his stride both rolling and sexy. Jared's interest perked up, including Little Jared's attention. He tugged on his untucked work-shirt to make sure he was adequately camouflaged, in case of any betraying bulge in his pants. He certainly didn't want to be meeting people--attractive though they may be--in a state of obvious arousal.

Sheppard saw him approaching and stopped arguing with the unknown man, calling out and motioning for Jared to join them. The taller man looked intently at him, his vibrant bright green eyes studying Jared, makkng him feel acutely self-conscious. Jared came closer, observing the man's face and noting the high cheekbones, strong nose, and a mouth with full, pink lips that, in Jared's inexperienced eyes at least, epitomized sex. The beauty of the man's face was roughened by the two days' stubble and the careless spiking of his hair, but he was easily the most attractive man Jared had ever seen.

Hearing his name repeated shook Jared out of his reverie, and he hastily shook hands with the gorgeous man as Sheppard gruffly introduced them.

"Jared, this is Jensen Ackles, our ringmaster. He's second under me in running this flea-bag operation, as well as performing master of ceremony duties during the show. Jensen, Jared is taking Martin's place, including moving into his trailer."

Jensen shook his hand with a firm grip and a brief smile that made Jared think of sunrises. "Pleased to meet you, Jared. Welcome to Sheppard's Spectacular Circus. Are you getting settled in all right?"

Jared realized Jensen was waiting for an answer; he'd been distracted by the man's long lashes and the myriad of freckles spattered over his skin.

"Yes, fine. The trailer is great--well, after I finish cleaning it out, I'm sure it will be."

Jensen laughed warmly. "Yeah, Martin was great with the animals, but tidy--not so much."

Sheppard said brusquely, "Ackles, take him around the rest of the grounds here. We'll talk about this matter later." He stalked off, and Jared didn't miss the tightening around Jensen's lush mouth or the slight frown across his brow.

"Uh...everything okay?" He didn't want to pry, but Jensen seemed like a good guy. Jared thought he'd be a good choice for a friend.

Jensen's eyes snapped back to him. "Fine, fine...just a little business disagreement. Sheppard gets fixed on an idea, and it can be hard to dissuade him." He shook his head, like shaking away the unpleasant conversation with Sheppard. "Well, enough of that. On with the tour, eh?"

He took Jared over the rest of the circus grounds' layout, pointing out where the supplies were stored, the other performers' trailers, and finally ending up back at the big top, the lodestone of the compound. Jared tried to pay attention to all the information being thrown at him, but apparently Jensen saw his growing befuddlement and laughed.

"Don't worry, no one expects you to learn it all in one day. I just wanted to give you an overview. We'll be here at least a couple more weeks, so you'll get familiar with things before we break it down and move on. Everywhere we set up, we try to keep the same basic layout, it's a big help for everyone's sanity."

Jared smiled wide in relief, and Jensen clapped him on the shoulder. His hand felt rock-solid against Jared's bones, and the contact seemed to send a shock throughout him. That electric zing startled the hell out of Jared, as did the way his cock jumped inside his jeans. He'd felt tingles from someone's touch before, but this--this was lightning.

 _Jesus . . . this is your boss, get it together, Jay!_ He hoped his reaction hadn't shown too much, that Jensen hadn't picked up on the way Jared's body had thrilled to his touch.

"C'mon, First of May, let's go grab some lunch. I know you met a few people at breakfast already, right? Let's meet some more, and then you can take the afternoon and start figuring out your game plan." Jensen's hand came to rest at the small of Jared's back, and the ringmaster gently steered him in the direction of the dining tent. Jared felt his stomach rumbling, but even stronger than hunger was the heat of Jensen's hand burning through Jared's shirt, searing his skin.

He sat with Jensen and Danneel, who apparently were good friends, judging by their easy familiarity with each other. Genevieve sat at their table as well, all bright smiles and batting eyes. Jared was uncomfortably aware of her following his every move, but he tried to simply smile and joke with her as he was doing with everyone. He met Traci Dinwiddie and Kim Rhodes, the trapeze artists/aerialists who apparently were also a couple, judging by their cozy demeanor; Katie Cassidy, the fire-eater; and Steve Carlson and Jason Manns, the circus musicians and seemingly very close friends of Jensen's. There were half a dozen men that worked under Chris sitting at another table; they set up and broke down the tents as well as doing clean-up work after every show. Finally, there were the clowns--a young, affable man named Gabe, a friendly, funny red-head named Felicia, and the senior clown, a black-haired Russian man named Misha, from whom a stream of quips constantly flowed and kept everyone laughing. All of the performers and crew were friendly, and Jared quickly felt relaxed among their company. And always drawing both his eyes and attention was Jensen, laughing, talking, practically gleaming in the afternoon light as he sat beneath the canopy of the big tent.

Bussing their dishes after the meal, Genevieve came up next to Jared and invited him to go for a walk that afternoon, before showtime.

"I usually like to get some fresh air before the show. It helps me be ready for my performance. I would really enjoy your company, Jared." She twirled a strand of her long, dark hair while she gazed at him with big eyes.

Jared stammered slightly as he struggled to decline politely. "It sounds really nice, but I don't want to distract you from your preparations. Besides, I need to start working out my schedule and finish unpacking and so on. Thank you, though." He turned away hastily toward his trailer, but he didn't miss the disappointed pout on her face as he left.

Jensen gave himself a critical look in the full-length mirror, adjusting his coat and doing up the fastenings. The bright red of his ringmaster's jacket was accented sharply by the black, fitted breeches and the snowy white shirt with its cascade of lace at the collar. Jensen studied his reflection, smoothing the coat front, adjusting the lace fall, settling a cuff. His black top hat sat waiting on the table behind him, but he ran his fingers through his hair anyway, not caring if he messed up the gelled spikes. As he gazed at the glass, his own face faded out and he saw another--a face with sharp cheekbones, with utterly disarming dimples, a handsome face crowned with a mop of dark hair. Jared smiled at him from the mirror, his mouth stretching wide as dimples unexpectedly carved his cheeks.

Jensen put his hand over the glass, dispelling the image with a swipe. His breeches felt tight and uncomfortable as his erection pressed against the cloth, and he was grateful his red coat would hide it. He had no time for release before the show. For that matter, he had no time for anyone like Jared.

_What are you doing, thinking of him like that anyway? He's hardly out of boyhood! He's only just joined up. Come on, Jensen, there's no love like that in the cards for you. You don't have time or energy for something like that. Your life is fine the way it is. Just cool it._

He sighed. Picking up his hat, he put it on, then gave his reflection a big smile.

"Ladies and gentlemen..." he muttered.

_Time to go see Danni. Blow off some steam. Soon as the show is over, if she's in the mood._

Turning his back to the mirror, he gave another sigh and exited his trailer.


	2. Chapter 2

Jared sat on a wooden bench, looking over the heads of the audience in front of him. Tonight he got to watch like a paying customer--in a good seat, facing the ring full-on. In the future, he'd be backstage or on the sidelines. He had taken a seat further back because, with his height, he could easily see over other people, so why block them?

Plus, he felt less conspicuous. Maybe it was just because he was new, but in a crowd from of performers, Jared felt extremely visible, and he wasn't used to it. even as he grew taller and taller, he was more accustomed to the outskirts and behind the scenes positions.

Steve and Jason were playing lively music, a host of instruments between them. A snare drum, a bass drum, a small keyboard, a couple of different horns, and a pair of guitars were all arranged for either man to use, and they adroitly switched between them with the ease of long practice. People entered the tent with their cartons of popcorn, bags of peanuts, or spindles of cotton candy, finding seats and settling down with smiles, anticipating the show.

Jared was as excited as they were. He'd seen the show some months back, when he first caught wind of the possibility of a job there, but that was a while ago, and certainly before he'd met any of the performers. He remembered it had been a good show, but now he couldn't wait to see Danneel and Genevieve and Misha and everyone else, now that he knew them.

And Jensen, of course.

He shivered. Jensen...damn, he was a beautiful man. More just being physically attracted, though, Jared felt a pull, a connection with him. He hadn't had a relationship before--only a little shy dating, a few furtive kisses and gropes. This wasn't just in his imagination, it couldn't be, there was more to it. When Jensen had touched his back, his shoulder, the electricity...

He shivered again.

Steve and Jason finished their song, picking up the horns to blow a fanfare, drawing all eyes to the front. A spotlight illuminated the ring, and in the center stood Jensen.

Jared just about couldn't breathe. Jensen stood in the spotlight in a bright red coat with a white shirt, the breadth of his shoulders impressive under the red wool. Black breeches appeared to be painted on his muscular legs, and a black top hat made him appear even taller than before. 

He was stunning.

When Jared tuned back into what was happening, Jensen was announcing some of the acts the audience would see, with the performers coming into the ring and bowing. The crowd clapped and Jared joined in, watching as the circus headliners assembled in a glittering troupe.

Steve banged the bass drum and Jason the cymbals, and the performances began.

Jared loved it. Katie came out first, eating fire and swallowing swords, drawing gasp after gasp from the audience. The clowns did some silly but skillful juggling. Chad did magic tricks and illusions that made everyone applaud heartily. Danneel and Sophie performed their act, ending with Danneel doing a handstand on Sophie's head as Sophie reared up on her back legs, trunk raised high. The clowns came back out, falling all over each other and doing foolish, silly pranks that had the crown roaring with laughter.

Genevieve brought out her horses and ponies, and Jared had to admit she was beautiful in her sparkly turquoise outfit and long, dark hair flowing down her back. Sometimes she was riding the horses, leaping on and off their backs, and others she was on the ground amidst them, cuing and guiding them through their tricks.

The clowns entered again and did a silly show as they cleaned up the ring and smoothed the dirt back down. Finally, Kim and Traci swung on their trapezes, flipping and catching each other along with their partner, Osric Chau, a stocky young Asian man with impressive musculature. Jared hadn't met him the first day or so of Jared's residence; the number of people who were involved with the circus turned out to be quite a bit larger than he'd realized. After the trapeze segment, the trio climbed long silks, fastened at the apex of the tent, and performed graceful patterns of dance moves and gymnastics set to music, falling and twining themselves in the silky fabric in seemingly impossible ways. Jared didn't recognize Kim at first; he finally realized that her black bob was under a platinum blonde wig. 

In between each act, Jensen came out to extol the wonders of what they were going to see next. Every time he stood in the spotlight, resplendent in his garb, Jared felt his chest burn and his pants grow tight. Jensen's rich baritone voice filled the tent, yet it never sounded like he was yelling. And even several seats back, Jared could swear he saw the sparkling green of Jensen's eyes...looking at him.

Jared knew he was falling fast, and he told himself to knock it off. It didn't help.

The circus spent the next couple of weeks in Chester. The time flew by for Jared, who had to plan out his schedule for the animals' care, contact the suppliers that the circus used, and so forth. He got his trailer squared away after a great deal of scrubbing and trash-hauling, and was very pleased after all of his things were finally unpacked. He got to know the rest of the performers and crew pretty quickly, living altogether as they did. It was a loose and comfortable family-style unit, and Jared quickly found he had a place in it. He spent most of his free time with Danneel, Chris, and Chad the magician, and Chad especially was a very amusing friend, always making silly statements and coming up with crazy plans. Jared relished these friendships; his parents had been elderly and suffered various illnesses for quite some time before they finally passed away. He'd wanted to care for them, he missed them now that they were gone, but it had made for a fairly lonely life for a young man. Jared loved being free to choose his own way now, and he thoroughly enjoyed being in the midst of a warm, active group like the circus.

The only fly in the ointment was the way Genevieve was always underfoot. It was clear she had a crush on him, and he strove to remain polite, respectful, and friendly while still trying to let her down easily. Chad kept telling him that he needed to "hit that" and talking about "low-hanging fruit, and by fruit I mean pussy", but Jared just laughed at him. Regardless of her personally, he simply didn't like women in that way, although he hadn't brought it up publicly yet, and her over-eager manner just made her seem faintly sad to him.

Of course, he saw Jensen all the time--the ringmaster was everywhere, constantly talking and working with the performers and the crew alike. Jared noticed that Sheppard could often be seen talking Jensen's ear off, then going off somewhere and leaving Jensen with a sour expression on his face. Jared felt bad for him--Sheppard looked like a crass and heavy-handed boss, and he learned that most of the circus people were not fond of him. Jared wished he could ask Jensen what was wrong, see if he could help--he wanted to much to take some of the stress away from Jensen's face. But then he reminded himself he was the new boy on the lot, and what could he offer someone like Jensen anyway? Jensen was a seasoned performer, the assistant to the owner, and a mature man a few years older than Jared himself, undoubtedly experienced if he wasn't in a relationship already. The growing desire Jared was feeling to offer Jensen everything he had--all of him, body and soul--was fought down and stashed away.

After the show was over one evening, Jensen and Danneel lay in Danneel's bed, he on his back with her head a comfortable weight on his chest. He idly toyed with her hair as she traced tiny circles on his skin with a perfectly manicured fingertip. Her soft perfume hung around them, its scent warmed by their skin, wrapping around them as they lay in a sated doze.

Jensen ran his hand from her hair down one shoulder, marveling at how soft her skin always was. 

"I put essential oils in my bath," she murmured. He stopped his movement, tilting his head to look at her, perplexed.

She laughed softly. "No, I'm not psychic. You were running your hand down my arm, and I knew what you were thinking. I do know you rather well, Jensen."

Jensen chuckled lightly, amused but also a little nervous at his apparent transparency. Even as their bodies had moved together in passion, part of his mind had been . . . elsewhere, and he hoped she hadn't deduced that. He felt like a cad, holding her after he had caressed her lush curves, had joined with her amid twinned cries of delight, and yet someone else had been in his head. To Jensen, Danni's plump pink nipples had become brown and flat in his mind, her full round breasts had compressed into firm pecs, and her soft thighs had swelled thickly with muscle. Instead of being smooth and sleek, her belly had seemed to boast a trail of dark hair leading not to a sweet, moist pussy, but a straining dick and a tight, pink hole.

Again and again, he had brought his focus back to Danneel, banished the masculine mirage, but over and over the other images superseded the reality. As he had looked into chocolate brown eyes, he'd seen blue-green ones, set over aristocratic cheekbones and accented below the left eye with a beauty mark. The eyes of the new young man who'd joined the circus and engaged his interest...Jared.

_I'm not doing this. I'm not thinking this. It's Danneel, I'm with Danneel._

_Not Jared._

Jensen realized he must have tensed a little, as Danneel picked her head up off his chest and looked at him.

"I must be off my game," she said archly. "Usually you're almost asleep by now." She tapped his chest with those elegant nails. "What's going on in there, Jensen?"

He shook his head. "Just circus business. Sheppard is riding me about revenue. Says he's got some new ideas he wants to try."

She scoffed. "I'm sure they're ridiculous. Sheppard's ideas always are." She settled back down, nestling her head into the hollow of his shoulder. He wrapped his arm around her, grateful for her warmth and friendship. He and Danneel had been together quite a while, but there were no strings attached for either of them. She was free to see other men anytime she chose, and she did so from time to time. When she was seeing someone, he backed off, gave her plenty of space. When it ended, as it always had so far, they seamlessly resumed their time together. Respect and passion in equal measure, that was the basis of their success.

Jensen himself didn't date. He appreciated women; he was close to and passionate with Danneel, but his heart was more strongly drawn to men. Twice he'd briefly fallen in love, both times with a man. In his early days traveling with the circus, he'd taken advantage of their constantly roving status to have brief assignations in scattered towns, but over time, the emotional emptiness of those encounters had dampened the thrill. Assuming the responsibility of the ringmaster position at a young age had left him feeling he did not have time or energy for a true relationship, being as dedicated to the circus as he was, and so when this mutually beneficial arrangement had developed with Danneel, he'd been happy to find affection, pleasure, and contentment, and he'd stopped looking for anything more.

Until now. Now that some tall, long-haired young man kept intruding into his thoughts, tilted eyes looking at him shyly . . . 

"So have you noticed how Gen's besotted with the First of May?"

Jensen started, sure he'd misheard. Or maybe Danneel really was psychic?

"What? Jared?" He barked a laugh. "Really? And does he--is he interested back?"

 _Shit. Of course Jared isn't gay or bi. Of course he probably likes petite, dark-haired women with small, sweet breasts and big dark eyes, why not? What did you expect, Jensen? You' such an idiot._ His thoughts tasted bitter in his head.

"I don't think so. Mostly he looks like he can't get away fast enough. She doesn't seem to be getting the message so far though." Danneel hummed, then said, "I feel a little bad for her, but she also has that hot guy from town pursuing her, so it's not like she has to be lonely, if she doesn't want to be."

"What guy? A townie?"

"That tall, dark-haired fellow, Morgan--Jeffery? Jeremy? The tall one with the salt-and-pepper beard and swoony eyes. I think he has his own business, something that does quite well, to judge by his gifts. He gave her a lovely satchel the other day, beautiful leather-work, and some fine perfume a few days before that. I thought she was starting to look at him rather favorably, but then Jared joined up and she's had eyes for no one else since." She yawned.

 _I know how that feels . . ._ He closed his eyes and tried to shut out the face that floated before him.

"Ackles!"

Jensen stifled a groan as he turned around from the shipment of supplies he was checking in. Sheppard aggravated him on a regular basis, but Jensen usually took it as part of the cost of his devotion to the circus. Sometimes, though, it went past the merely irritating into downright infuriating.

"Yes, Mark? What can I do for you?" He wiped the sweat off his forehead, dropping his clipboard onto the boxes.

"Inspiration has struck, my dear boy. I have the answer to all our financial woes. I only wonder that it didn't strike me sooner, it's so easy."

Jensen felt tension coil in his belly. Things were often a little tight at the circus coffers, but they got by. Everyone was paid, albeit not richly. Everyone ate. That wasn't enough for Sheppard, who was constantly questing for some new angle, some new trick, to bring him instant and plentiful wealth. If Mark was this rhapsodical about an idea, it didn't bode well for anyone.

"What is it?" he replied with forced calm, bracing himself for whatever new nonsense he was about to hear.

Sheppard stepped close; Jensen could smell the man's sharp-scented aftershave and the peppermints he was so partial to chewing. His dark eyes glistened avariciously as his voice dropped to a husky whisper.

"The female performers will _entertain_ the male patrons. We have beautiful, exotic women that men already clamor to sleep with, and now--we're going to let them! And charge them exorbitantly for the favor."

Jensen stared in horror at the circus owner. _What the ever-loving fuck? Where did this crazy scheme come from?_

Sheppard continued rattling on, oblivious to Jensen's stunned reaction.

"Yes, we'll set up a couple of small tents on the outskirts, for privacy you know, and after the show, a few favored customers will have--by pre-arrangement--a _jolly_ good time." He cackled and clapped Jensen on the shoulder. "Bye-bye, penny-pinching! Hello, prosperity!"

Jensen finally found his voice.

"You _can't_ be serious! Your big plan is to whore out the women of the circus? The same women who live with and perform for Sheppard's Spectacular Circus every day? How can you even remotely think this is okay?" His mind reeled with Sheppard's brass. "These are our _co-workers_. Our _friends_. We are _not_ going to turn them into whores in order to line your pockets! I don't care how many bills there are!" Jensen felt his body buzzing with tension and anger.

Sheppard crossed his arms in front of his chest, glaring at Jensen. "Are you done?" He snorted angrily. "Now you listen to me, you little ponce. This is _my_ circus, and these are _my_ people, and I will do with them as I please! Now you will instruct Danneel and Genevieve and Katie and Traci and Kim about our new endeavor, and you _will_ make them fall in line, or trust me--I'll do it, and it won't be pretty." He drove his fingertips into Jensen's chest, rocking him back. " _Got it_ , Ackles?"

With a final glare, Sheppard stomped off, leaving Jensen still standing in complete shock, fuming angrily.

"Hey, Gen!"

Kim Rhodes plopped down next to Genevieve, a plate with a sandwich and some fruit salad in one hand, a bottle of water in the other. She smiled at the other woman, the smile fading when she saw how Genevieve was pushing her own lunch around the plate with a fork. "You don't like the macaroni & cheese today? Should I skip it?"

"Hey, Kim. No, no, it's fine. Just not hungry, I guess." She sighed and dropped the fork onto the plate. "Got stuff on my mind, and it's affecting my appetite." Genevieve pushed the plate away and took a sip from her coffee.

"Well, hope you don't mind if I dig in. We were just working on a new routine, and I am famished!" Kim picked up her sandwich and began to eat.

"Oh, of course not, go ahead! What's the new routine?"

Kim winked at her. "Nope, gotta wait until we debut it! Might be a few weeks yet. Osric is working hard catching both Traci and me though."

"Sounds great! I can't wait to see it," replied Genevieve, finally with a smile of her own. Kim was pleased--she thought of herself as basically being a very cheerful person, and she always wanted to help when one of her friends was down.

"So what's raining on your parade?" she asked, spearing some fruit on her fork.

Genevieve sighed and clasped her hands. "Ugh. Men. A man. One particular man. I just can't stop thinking about him."

Kim knew who the man in question was--everyone in the circus knew--but she asked to be polite. "Someone on the roster?"

Genevieve rolled her eyes. "Yes. The First of May." She dropped her head into her hands. "Ugh, I can't believe this! But he's...he's just so handsome! And tall! And he's so _nice!_ " She looked back up at Kim. "He's ridiculously nice! And funny! So if I'm not lusting over his enormous hands and imagining...well, you know. I'm laughing at some little joke or mooning about how sweet he is to the kids!" She groaned again. "I'm fucked! Well, I'm not fucked, but I wanna be fucked! Oh shit--you know what I mean!"

Kim had to put her hand over her mouth to keep from laughing out bits of sandwich. As soon as she could clear her mouth, she said, "Oh, honey, I'm sorry. He is super cute and nice--can't blame you for falling for him. But, sweetie, can I be blunt?" She looked at Genevieve with affection but also with concern; she didn't want to hurt the young woman's feelings. 

Genevieve nodded. "Of course, Kim, I'd expect nothing less from you."

Kim put a hand over Genevieve's, saying softly, "Gen, I don't think he's interested in you that way."

Genevieve set her jaw. "You don't know that. Maybe he's just shy. Or inexperienced."

Kim shrugged. "Yeah, that could be, I guess. But what about Jeffrey? Haven't you been seeing him the last few weeks? I thought that was going really well. He's handsome and tall and nice, and he's pretty well-off too, right?"

"Oh, yeah, Jeffrey is a great guy. We've had some lovely dates, and he's very sweet, but...he's kinda older."

Kim scoffed. "Older, schmolder--he is _hot!_ Those are some serious bedroom eyes."

Genevieve laughed. "Yeah, you have a point. We haven't actually had sex yet, but his hands and lips are pretty awesome, I gotta say." They both laughed. Genevieve picked up her fork and began nibbling at her lunch, Kim noted with satisfaction.

"So, what do you think you're going to do? You have a choice a lot of women would be jealous of. What do you want?"

Genevieve hummed as she thought. "What I want is what you and Traci have. Love. A partner. I think...I think I'm going to give Jared a try, like really ask him out instead of just dropping hints. And then...see what happens."

Kim groaned inside as she smiled and nodded at Genevieve. "Okay, sounds like a plan. Better than not knowing, huh?" She bit back into her sandwich, making a mental note to be ready to pick up the pieces.

"Oh, Jared, how lucky that you're here! Can you help me with this harness? I can't open the buckle."

Genevieve looked up at Jared, batting her eyes as she fumbled with the catch of a horse's belly-band. Jared sighed inside, wishing she would turn her doting eyes elsewhere. He did like her well enough, but fending off her constant flirting was becoming very wearing on him.

"Sure, Gen, let me see it." The problem was minor and he quickly fixed it, handing the piece back to her.

"Thank you! Oh, I was having such a hard time with it!" She put her hand on his arm, drawing close to him. "Jared, you are so nice and helpful all the time, I'd love to take you out one day to thank you."

His stomach squirmed at her closeness. "Really, that's not necessary, I'm just doing my job. Thank you, though." He smiled hesitantly, feeling his usual battle between wanting to be polite and not wanting to encourage her.

She pouted, looking up at him through her lashes. "Now, Jared, you can't deny me a chance to thank you...properly, can you?" She raised her face to stare openly at him, slowly running the tip of her tongue over her lips as she arched her back, the thin material of her blouse pulling tight across her bosom. Her meaning was unmistakable, even to someone as inexperienced as Jared.

He stood frozen, his mind racing to figure out what to do; he knew she was going to attempt to kiss him, and that...just couldn't happen. _Her mouth, it's all wrong--it's not plump enough, and there's no hint of a beard...She's not...She's not_ Jensen...

"Genevieve, I have to tell you something!" he blurted out, surprising himself.

She gasped, the swell of her lungs threatening the integrity of her blouse's flimsy fabric even further. Even Jared couldn't help glancing at the mounds of her breasts, so close to being unrestrained.

"Yes, Jared, what is it? Are you--do you--?"

"I'm gay!"

Now it was her turn to freeze, hand on his arm, her face mere inches from his.

"You...what?"

He swallowed hard before stammering out, "I'm gay. I like...I like men. I'm only attracted to men." He could finally breathe properly again. "I'm sorry."

She stepped back, mouth wide open, eyes staring. "You--"

Jared nodded. "Yes. I'm so sorry, I didn't--I never meant to--"

" _Oh!_ " With a sob, she spun on her heel and ran off, hair tossing as she fled.

Jared momentarily thought about running after her, but then decided it was best to give her some privacy for her wounded dignity. Instead, he stood and watched the white horses idle their way around their little paddock, occasionally stopping to nose at each other. Belle kept nudging at Blaine, who finally got annoyed enough to nip her. She stalked away, head held high, and Blaine resumed his grazing. 

Jared had to chuckle even as he felt mildly envious. Things were so much easier for a horse.


	3. Chapter 3

 

Jensen sat at the back row of benches in the empty big top, the darkness pushed aside only by the lantern he'd set down inside the ring. The night's show had gone swimmingly, everyone in fine form, but now that the adrenaline surge of performing had ebbed, he felt on edge and irritable. It seemed like every direction he'd looked in, there had been men staring lecherously at the female performers. He knew intellectually it might well be just his perception, but the array of glittering eyes, slack mouths, and hands poised over straining crotches, visible from every angle of his stance in the ring, had him in a state of hair-trigger readiness for protecting his people.

 _What the hell am I going to do?_ he thought frustratedly. He knew that his options were limited.

One: he could go along with Sheppard's plan. He snorted in disgust. _Right. That's going to happen._

Two: he could quit, leave the circus. That would work out okay for him--not so much for everyone else. There would be no protection for Danni or Katie or any of the other women.

Three: he could buy Sheppard out, take over the circus himself. _Ackles Amazing Exposition!_ Too much alliteration. _Jensen's Gigantic Jubilee!_ No, that sounded like he was talking about his dick. Well, he could work out the name later.

A good option, he liked this idea...except he didn't have the funds to do that. And he wasn't going to leave; this was his home, these were his people. So what else could he do? Because sitting around and watching men pay to fuck sweet Genevieve or snappy, sultry Danni, or the sassy aerialist team Kim and Traci (who only had eyes for each other as it was)--that couldn't materialize.

It won't. He's going to stop it. Somehow.

His head ached with the effort of finding an answer.

"Hey," a soft voice said on his side.

Jensen jumped up and spun to face--Jared. The tall, lanky wrangler stood there with a look of concern on his face. He put his hands up chest-high, palms out, as if to say he came in peace.

"Sorry if I startled you. I didn't see you at the post-show gathering, so I thought I'd check up on you." He shuffled his feet. "I hope that was okay."

Jensen sagged back down, relief making him weak. He grabbed Jared's hand and pulled him down to sit next to him on the bench.

"Yeah. Yeah, it's fine, Jared. Thanks." He rubbed a hand over his face and dropped it in his lap. "I just--I have some things to figure out, and I guess I lost track of time."

Jared's alert eyes gazed into Jensen's. Jensen allowed himself a moment of distraction as he wondered how Jared's eyes could be blue and green and brown all at the same time. The young man was so beautiful, with that exotic tilt to his eyes, those sculpted cheekbones, and that mouth--so still right now, but so ready to open wide in laughter, purse tightly in mock disapproval, and still trace such a beautiful arc when he smiled softly, like he was doing right now...

"Jensen?"

_Shit, Ackles, snap the fuck out of it. This is no time for a romantic fugue._

"Sorry, sorry, just...tired, I guess. Thanks for looking for me, man. Appreciate it." Jensen mustered a lopsided smile and laid a hand on Jared's shoulder.

_Shit, he's so warm...wonder how it would feel, all that warmth next to me...just that smooth, beautiful skin next to mine, that muscle moving underneath my hand..._

"Jensen!" Jared's hand landed on his knee and shook him gently. "Jeez, are you okay? You fuzzed right out again."

Jensen saw worry on Jared's handsome face now, but the heat of his hand on Jensen's knee distracted him. It felt like it was burning right through his pants. With his hand still on Jared's shoulder, Jensen idly thought they'd completed a circuit, and so no wonder it was so hot in here. His body felt inflamed, and he itched to get his clothing off. Then get Jared's clothing off. Then...

"Okay, that's it. C'mon, Mr. Ringmaster, I'm taking you back to your trailer." Jared stood up, withdrawing his hand as Jensen's hand slipped off his shoulder. "Lean on me, I'll get you there."

Jensen thought about telling him that he could find any trailer on the lot with his eyes closed, but now Jared was pressed tightly next to him, side against side, and his arm was around Jensen's waist. This close, the height difference struck Jensen afresh--at six foot one, he'd never been with anyone taller than himself. All of the women and even the few men he'd slept with were shorter, and he found himself contemplating what it would be like to have to tilt up instead of down for a kiss.

"Jared, I'm fine, really. Just...tired. You don't need to--"

"Hush," Jared said firmly. "I can wrangle any animal, and that means human animals too. You're exhausted, you're stressed--oh, I see it, I think everyone else doesn't, but I do--you're off your feed, and you still work harder than anyone else. So just hush and let me help you."

Jensen felt warmth sliding all the way down to his belly. He slung an arm across Jared's shoulders as they walked, enjoying the solid feel of Jared's broad shoulders, the bony curve that Jensen's hand naturally curled around. Jared matched the stride of his long legs to Jensen's so that they moved in sync. He turned his head and studied the smooth line of Jared's jaw, the tan skin laid over bone with the start of dark stubble outlining it. Jensen could see the faint line where the deep dimple lurked, waiting to crease his face when he smiled. He wanted to touch it, see it unfold underneath his finger, beneath his mouth.

_This is nice..._

Jared chuckled, before he said shyly, "Yeah, it is."

"Fuck, did I really say that out loud?" Jensen was momentarily mortified.

"Yeah. It's okay, it is nice." Jared's steps hesitated, then turned to the side. "Here you are."

They stood outside Jensen's trailer, still holding each other for a second before Jensen turned to face the wrangler.

"Thanks. I didn't realize how out of it I was." Jensen found himself reluctant to let the man go. "Can I offer you a nightcap?"

Jared blinked at him. "Sure. Thanks."

Mounting the steps into his trailer, Jensen turned to usher Jared inside. As Jared closed the door behind him, the trailer suddenly felt very small. It was filled with Jared's presence, his warmth, his scent of faintly moist, clean skin and whatever spicy soap he used, and the radiance of his smile.

Jensen found his hands on Jared's face, only seeing the surprise on it for a split second as his mouth sought Jared's, his lips pressing hard before Jared's opened beneath his and they were kissing each other.

 _So this is how it feels to tilt up,_ thought Jensen hazily, his hands now sliding into Jared's hair, gripping the thick locks as they kissed hungrily. He felt a hand at the back of his head, holding him firmly against Jared's mouth, and another hand pressing between his shoulder blades. They were jammed together now, and the sensation of Jared's long-limbed, well-built body was electrifying. Jensen couldn't help pushing against him, wanting to get closer and closer.

They jostled around the trailer until Jensen had Jared up against the bed, collapsing onto it when it hit his knees. If being pressed up against Jared had felt good, lying on top of him was fantastic. Jensen's hand left its grip on Jared's hair to slide over his body instead, mapping out the curves of his chest and arms, kneading the firm muscles underneath the man's shirt. Fingertips found two little hard bumps to tease, giving Jensen great satisfaction as Jared moaned in response. He rubbed them again and again, and finally Jared's hands stopped massaging Jensen's back and instead grabbed his ass, holding it hard as Jared began to grind up against him.

Jensen's cock was hard inside his pants, and it was abundantly clear that Jared's was as well. They rutted against each other, seeking more pressure and friction to satisfy their need. Jensen felt an unaccustomed excitement in Jared's controlling them; in his amorous encounters, he had always been the one to take charge, to drive things, and to be in the other position now was exciting and new. He gave himself up willingly to Jared, letting his guard drop and his reserve vanish under Jared's passionate embrace.

"Jen...please, can I... _mmph!_ " Jared mumbled, biting Jensen's jaw. Then he abruptly rolled them both, so Jensen now lay beneath him. Jensen thought blurrily that laying underneath Jared was heavenly. Jared's solidly muscular body pinned him, giving him a here-to-fore unknown sense of acquiesence that was intoxicating. Jared now bore down on him, pushing Jensen's legs apart so that Jared's hips fit perfectly between them, giving their cocks complete contact as they humped frantically together.

Jensen's hand skimmed down Jared's back, pausing to appreciate the muscles that bunched and flexed as he rutted against Jensen's dick. Then he sought the waist of Jared's jeans, and finding it, pushed his hand inside. He stroked the soft globe of Jared's ass, searching until he could slide his questing fingers into the hot crevice between those supple cheeks, stroking the very tips down to rub against Jared's tightly furled hole. Jared's mouth broke free from where it was busy sucking on Jensen's throat and he moaned huskily.

"Jesus, Jen...fuck...I can't stop...please..." he muttered, punctuating his words with soft little huffs and loose-mouthed kisses on Jensen's neck and face. "Fuck, gonna come soon...oh, shit...sorry, sorry, can't... _fuck!Fuck! Oh, God! Nnnngh!_ "

Jensen felt hot wetness spread over his groin as Jared orgasmed, his body bucking against Jensen's while his ass spasmed under Jensen's hand. He panted through clenched teeth as the violence of his climax slowly subsided, until it was merely tremors running down his body, still tightly pressed against Jensen's own. Jensen was transfixed, watching Jared fall apart so openly and completely. For a moment he forgot about his own erection clamoring for release, in the awe that filled him watching Jared.

He started as he realized Jared was now looking into his eyes, his lover's face suffused with tenderness and heavy-lidded with spent passion. "Sorry, I couldn't--it was too much." He laid a hand on Jensen's straining fly. "Can I...want me to...what do you want?"

Jensen laughed softly. "Jesus, I'm about to pop, can you just...take me out, stroke me a minute? Swear that's all it's gonna take, that was so... _you_ were so fucking hot." He smiled at the light blush that flooded Jared's face.

Then Jared's long fingers were undoing his fly, reaching into his briefs and pulling out his angry dick. He looked down and saw pre-come dribbling out as his cock jerked under the embrace of Jared's hand. Jensen was already about to lose it when Jared slid a finger over his cock's tip to catch the sticky moisture, bringing it to his mouth. He sucked the fingertip in as his eyes closed, like it was the sweetest treat he'd ever tasted.

Come spattered over Jensen's chest and belly as he fell over the edge, the sight of Jared _savoring_ his taste like that enough to trip his climax. His hips thrust up helplessly as he finished shooting, opening the eyes he'd slammed shut to see Jared staring at him. He tried to smile, but it felt pretty lopsided, and he could only imagine how debauched he look with his own come all over himself.

"Heh...uh, thanks," he whispered through dry lips.

"Fuck, that was... _ridiculously_ hot!" Jared bent and kissed him deeply, plunging his tongue in and only breaking it when they both began to have trouble breathing.

Jared swung his legs over the bunk and sat up, giving Jensen a hand to pull up on so he could sit too. Jensen looked down at his wrecked shirt. "Guess I should change."

Jared snorted. "Guess so."

Jensen peeled the gross shirt off and grabbed a T-shirt off the floor, pulling it clumsily over his head. Then they sat there, looking at each other. Jensen wanted to kiss him again, but felt stupidly awkward, considering what they had just done.

Jared said, "We're being stupid. So that happened. It's whatever we make of it, right?" He put a hand on Jensen's knee. "I'll tell you right now about me. I've always known I like men. I've never done what we just did before. It meant something to me, but I'm not going to push you into anything, depending on what it does or doesn't mean to you. Or what you want."

His words impressed Jensen with their honesty and candor. Jared might be inexperienced in sex, but he knew how to speak plainly. Jensen knew he needed to match that, to address Jared at that same level.

"I've been with men and women both, liked sex with either. I do prefer men. Right now...it's a little complicated." Jared looked down, and Jensen reached out and tilted his face back up. "This wasn't a cheap quickie, Jared. This meant something to me too. I just need a little time to...un-complicate things. Okay? Then we can talk more about...what might happen with us." He searched Jared's eyes for signs of distress or mistrust.

The gaze returning his was clear and steady. "Okay," Jared replied. "I can do that." His solemn expression broke into a smile.

Jensen smiled back.

Jason settled onto a bench inside the big top, in the back area set aside for the musicians and their instruments. He tipped a small bottle of string cleaner to pour a little onto a soft cloth before running it up and down the strings of his acoustic guitar. He hummed softly, losing himself in the melody and the rhythmic sweep of his hand. In a noisy, busy environment like the circus, the quiet times were treasured.

"Hey, bro."

Jason jumped and cursed. "Steve, you ass!" He threw the bottle of cleaner at his fellow musician who caught it after entering the tent unnoticed.

Steve laughed as he sat down across from Jason. "Dude, I coulda been a tiger. You'd be lunch by now."

Jason chuckled. "Nah, I'm not juicy enough." He refolded the cloth to a clean side and resumed wiping the strings. "Not like some pretty, red-headed gals around here." He shot a sideways glance at Steve, who had opened his mandolin case and removed the instrument from it. He began the same string-cleaning routine Jason was using.

"Yeah, well, that's true. You're a dried up ol' coot next to her."

Jason smiled, but sobered when he saw that Steve was not actually laughing at his own joke. "Steve? You okay?"

Steve shrugged. "I'll get by. Some days things are better, others...not so much. Nothing to do but wait it out, ya know?"

Jason put his guitar down. "What are you talking about? I feel like you got real specific all of a sudden." He studied his friend. "Is this about Danneel?"

Scoffing, Steve replied, "What about her?" He busily worked on the mandolin's strings, ignoring Jason's probing look.

"Dude, not like I haven't known forever that you're in love with her. Are you thinking on doing something about it?"

Steve put the mandolin back in the open case. "Fat lot of good that would do. She's sleeping with Jensen."

Jason was stunned. "What? How long?" His heart ached for Steve, who'd confessed while in his cups one day that he'd been in love with Danneel since she first joined the circus.

"Not too long. This time anyway."

"What do you mean, 'this time'?" Jason leaned forward, intent on Steve's words. "Have there been...other times?"

Steve nodded, picking up some brass polish and a trumpet. "Yeah. They got a thing going on, like if they're not seeing anyone, they got each other. No strings, just friends and sex." His mouth shut tight, lips drawn, and he kept his eyes averted.

Jason sat back, watching him polish the trumpet for a few minutes. "So, like...friends with benefits? That what you mean?"

"Yup. Just like that."

"Wow. I, uh...I didn't know that." He pondered what to say and came up dry.

Steve snorted. "They don't advertise that show."

"Doesn't that....bother you?" Jason wished he hadn't asked it as soon as the words left his mouth.

"Fuck, you dumbass, of course it does. But they ain't hurtin' anyone. It's completely mutual, they're both adults who know what they're doin'. So I just shut up and turn a blind eye." He paused. "I got no claim on her."

Jason put the string-cleaning cloth down and got another one for the wood polish. He began rubbing the guitar's body as he pondered whether or not to divulge an observation. "Well, then, I can't help wondering about somethin' I saw last night."

"Jesus, Jason, you are no better than a frickin' teenage girl, with the gossiping. Lotsa adults in close quarters, you're gonna see some shit sometimes." He rolled his eyes and huffed as he busied himself.

"Yeah, but this? This was Jensen kissing someone. And it wasn't Daneel. Not even close."

Steve's hands stopped, and he finally looked directly at Jason. "What? Where was he? Who was it?"

"He was outside his trailer with the First of May. That tall dude, takes care of the animals. They were talking for a bit, and then they were smooching."

"'Smooching'? See, you _are_ a teenage girl!" Steve shook his head after harassing his friend. "What the hell he is kissin' that guy for, when he's got someone gorgeous as Danni?" He frowned. "He better decide who he wants, because he doesn't get to have both. And if it ain't Danni, then--maybe it's time I spoke up."

Jason felt lighter and more hopeful as he clapped Steve on the shoulder. Maybe there was hope for his friend's heart after all.

"Come on over later? After the show? We can have a drink, and I could show you the new baby doll nightie I got in town yesterday. It's deliciously sheer, and does absolutely sinful things to my boobs."

The sweet, sexy voice wafted around Jensen's ears. He turned and looked into chocolate brown eyes that promised...lots of naughty things.

"Danni...how you doing?" She smiled at him, that tempting, red mouth curling in a seductive way. He waited for the chill that particular smile usually gave him.

He didn't realize his lack of response until she punched him in the arm. "Come on, doofus, what's up? I thought we were going to have some dirty talk to get us into the mood for later." She dropped one smoky eyelid slowly.

_Later...our sex date. I can't go there--can't do that to Jared. It's not fair._

"Oh, yeah. About that, Danni, I...I can't make it." He tried to give a little laugh, but it came out rather like a hyena instead. Judging by the way she stepped back, it alarmed her. It kind of alarmed him too.

"What was _that?_ Are you okay, Jensen?" Her eyes searched his face anxiously. "Are you not feeling well? I can't believe you're too tired, you're _never_ too tired for one of our little dates. Is it--" She stopped abruptly. A tall figure in the distance had caught Jensen's eye, diverting his attention for a moment.

"Oh..." she murmured. "Oh, I see."

Jensen turned to her, his hands on her shoulders. "Danni, I--we--I don't know what to say." His eyes implored her to understand, even as he still worked on understanding what was happening himself. This was a whole new facet of life opening up to him, and he couldn't help feeling a little scared about leaving the easy comfort of Danneel's arms.

She gave him a little wistful smile, laying one delicate hand on his cheek. "So, you've finally fallen, Jen. I kinda hoped it might yet turn out to be me one day, but I can't complain. We've always been straight with each other, no illusions. You gave me all the space I asked for. We had a damn good run." She shook her head, eyes suspiciously shiny. "I just want you to be happy, baby. If Jared makes you happy? I gotta love him for that."

Rising on tiptoes, she gently kissed his cheek and walked away, taking a piece of his heart with her.

Standing a few yards from Jensen's trailer, Jared watched as Danneel kissed Jensen's cheek and walked off, and the resultant twinge of jealousy took him by surprise. He'd never been deeply involved with anyone before, and feeling so possessive about Jensen so soon took him by surprise.

_Does that mean we're really involved, then? Or...at least I am? What about him? I don't even know what he's feeling. Or what that kiss meant._

Suddenly worried about what was--or wasn't--happening between them, Jared hastened over to Jensen, who was still watching Danneel walk toward her trailer.

"She's pretty hot, huh?" Jared couldn't help saying, fighting to keep his voice soft. His throat felt clogged and his chest was tight. He really liked Danneel--she'd been the first person at the circus to befriend him--but there was a strong urge in him to let everyone know Jensen was _his._

If he only knew whether that was actually the case.

"Yeah, she really is," Jensen agreed, still looking after her. He turned to face Jared with some surprise. "I didn't think you noticed women like that."

"I don't, generally. Just she's...she's really beautiful. Anyone an see that. And she's super nice and funny besides." Jared looked in the direction of her trailer again, even though she could no longer be seen. "Makes sense that someone--anyone--would want to be with her." He cleared his throat as he looked back at Jensen. "Is she the one who's making it...complicated?" He dug his thumbnail into his palm to keep his emotions at bay.

A flash of guilt crossed Jensen's face, and Jared had to turn away. _How can I compete? She's perfect. Shit._ He said aloud, "Guess that answers that. No sweat, dude. I'll just...I'll see you later." He turned and started to walk away from Jensen, trying to move quickly but having trouble seeing the ground through the blur of tears in his eyes. _Fuck...Why did I even think that...He's way out of my league. So stupid, Jared._

"Jared!" A hoarse cry stopped him and a hand gripped his arm, pulling him around. Jensen's vibrant green eyes stared into his own. "Jared, let me talk. Yes, she was the complication. We've been friends for a long time--and yes, we've been more than that--we've been lovers. I do love her, sure. She's been there for me, and so have I for her." He pulled Jared closer, their eyes scant inches from each other's. "I love her, but not the way I'm falling in love with you." His hand came up and caressed Jared's cheek. He rubbed his fingertips together as he found the moisture that was trickling down Jared's face. "Not like you. I want you, all of you--your beautiful face, your crazy hair, your strong, gorgeous body that I can't wait to kiss and--well." Jensen's body pressed close to Jared's now; he could smell Jensen's after-shave, see how his thick lashes fanned against his cheek when he blinked, feel the heat radiating from his freckle-spattered skin. Jensen's hand drifted down from his cheek and slipped between them, pressing on Jared's crotch. "Want to play with you, suck you, fuck you, and so much more. Want you do it all back to me," he growled softly in Jared's ear. He took Jared's hand and held it to his own groin. "Feel that? Feel how much I want you right the fuck now?"

Jared did indeed--the shape and rigidity of Jensen's dick was unmistakable. His own cock stirred, and his breath caught with the desire that rushed through him.

"So, are we...do you want...me?" He couldn't help pushing his hips into Jensen's hand, his eyes closing with pleasure for a second. "Like, not just for sex, but...everything?" He opened his eyes and look again at the limitless green depths of Jensen's eyes.

"Everything, Jared. Everything."

Their mouths met in a hot clash of lips, tongues, teeth. It was sloppy and urgent and Jared wanted it to go on forever. It seemed like every molecule of his body wanted to be next to Jensen, wanted to slip out of their confining clothes and let their skin rub and press against the other. Jensen had his hands in Jared's hair, cradling his head in a hold that made Jared--long accustomed to be taller and bigger than everyone--feel small and treasured and cherished. He slid his hands first into Jensen's back pockets and kneaded his ass, then pulled them out to slide into his jeans instead. Skin--hot, smooth, resilient--gave under his fingertips; he squeezed those perfect, ripe cheeks and pulled Jensen's groin against his own, rutting against the stiff rod Jensen apparently had under his fly.

Jensen broke the kiss, breathing hard, his lips still moist with their combined saliva. "Wait...oh, God! Unnn....Jared! Stop, sweetheart, please...God, I can't think when you do that! You have the most evil, tempting hips... _Ohh!_ " He managed to insert a few inches of space between them. The cool air that rushed between them helped Jared refocus from _touchmefuckmeneedyouwantyou_ to actually listening to his boyfriend.

"Jared," Jensen said, still panting a little. "God, I want you so bad. Want you right this instant." Jared nodded eagerly, but Jensen put a finger on his lips. "I don't want to do this half-ass. You deserve better. Let's give it just a couple of days--a couple of days where we can spend time together, and kiss and just...make sure we're good? This is pretty new for both of us. Alright?"

Jared nodded slowly. "Yeah, okay. Half--hell, _most_ of me--doesn't want to stop or wait, but I know you're right. And when that's over--"

Jensen hugged him tightly, his voice full of the desire and urgency he was corralling. "When that's over...hold on, because Hurricane J is coming through. And I won't be holding back anymore."

They laughed together, and the sexual tension dissipated into warmth.

"Come on, let's hit the food tent and get something to eat before tonight's show. You're a growing boy, after all," Jensen joked, and took Jared's hand to start leading him there.

 _Can't wait to be in bed with that man...I absolutely can't wait._ thought Jared. He shivered in the warm air and followed Jensen to the meal tent.

Jensen sat at his desk, his head aching. He was going over bills and paperwork, and hating every minute of it. A loud banging on his door made him start and drop the feed bill for Sophie. He jumped up to open it, only to have a very angry Kim barge in, followed by an equally angry Danneel. They were both talking furiously before the door shut, and he put up a hand as he asked loudly for them to quiet down for a moment so he could find out what was wrong.

He had a sick feeling inside about what the problem was.

He was right.

"Jensen! What the hell is this?" demanded Kim loudly. "Do you know what that troll Sheppard just told us?" Her arm gestured wildly in the direction of Mark's trailer.

Danneel chimed in, her normally high, sweet voice moving into fishwife-shrill range. "He wants us to sleep with the customers! _Sleep_ with them! Like...like prostitutes!" She planted her hands on her hips and glared at Jensen. "I am not a prostitute, Jensen! I am a performer!"

"I know."

A moment of total quiet hung in the air, then--

" _WHAT? How could--_ "

" _You asshole! What the hell--_ "

" _HEY!_ " Jensen shouted. The two women fell quiet, although they were still steaming with anger, standing with their arms across their chests, their eyes shooting daggers.

"Thank you." Jensen sat down and gestured them to other chairs, which Danneel and Kim reluctantly dropped into.

"Jensen--"

"Please, Danni. Let me talk. Now...yes, I knew what Mark was thinking about. _No,_ I did not agree with _or_ sanction it. I thought it was appalling in every way. I expressed that opinion to him, and we never spoke of it again. I assumed that he had dropped the notion as being totally ludicrous." He sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. "Apparently, I was wrong."

Kim leaned forward, speaking with urgency. "Jensen, you can't let him--we're not going to--" She sputtered to a halt, fists clenching and unclenching on her lap. "I'm not a hooker. I'm a trained aerialist. Sure, men come on to me all the time. But if--and I mean a big _if_ \--I want to sleep with one of them, it's _my_ choice! Mine! And no one's going to profit from it!"

She threw herself back against the chair with enough force that it rocked on the linoleum floor.

Jensen leaned forward, elbows on his knees. "I would never, _never_ countenance this arrangement. It's not going to happen. I will speak with Sheppard immediately."

Danneel interrupted him, her voice sweet despite the ugly topic. "Jen, honey, you can't stop it. Sheppard is holding all the cards."

Jensen sat up straight, feeling like his brain was operating on hyper-alert status. "What? What are you saying, Danni? What are these cards he claims to hold?" His heart was beating faster now. What sleazy little scheme was Mark Sheppard up to?

Kim nodded as Danneel explained. "Don't you know? It's in our contract, Jensen. The contract we all signed to be part of Sheppard's Spectacular Circus. Way down in the fine print that no one really reads, there's a clause that says that we must fulfill any type of performance that the owner--Sheppard, in this case--requires of us, or else we'll be fired without notice. After he showed us that, Sheppard said not only will he fire us, he'll be sure to tell all the other circuses or carnivals around that we are criminals and thieves. He'll blacklist us." Her anger shifted into tears. "Jen, what would happen to Sophie? I can't risk that. And Genevieve has her horses to think of." She nodded to Kim. "Kim doesn't have that issue, but still--where does a blacklisted trapeze artist go? Especially one that wants to have a baby with her girlfriend?"

Jensen looked at Kim with wide eyes. "You and Traci...?"

She smiled and nodded. "We've been talking about it for a while. At this point, we're just deciding which of us is going to get pregnant, and who the daddy's going to be." Her face fell. "Well, we were."

Jensen closed his eyes and covered his face with his hands. _This is un-fucking-believable. How can this be happening? How can he think of forcing this?_ He dropped his hands and looked at the two angry, desperate women.

"I'm going to take care of this. Okay? I promise, it's not going to happen." _I just have to figure out how to stop him..._

They both nodded at his words. "Okay," said Danneel softly. "We trust you, Jensen." Kim agreed.

"Do the other women know about this?" Jensen needed to know if he was staunching a trickle or a flood. It would be a little easier for him to maneuver if he wasn't placating the female circus population at the same time.

"No," answered Kim. "Sheppard said he talked to us first--we're the 'advance'." Her voice held disgust as well as anger.

Jensen felt like vomiting at the cold-blooded plan. "Okay, thanks. Just...keep this to yourselves for now, okay? It will be easier for me to deal with if I'm not quelling a panic."

Danneel said, "Of course. Hopefully, they'll never have to know this even happened." The women got up to leave, but Danneel stopped at the door. She looked at Jensen, her brown eyes serious. "We're counting on you, Jen. Anything we can do to help, let us know. But I'm afraid the heavy lifting is up to you. Our hands are tied."

He came over and hugged her, then Kim. "I know. I won't let you down."


	4. Chapter 4

The big top was dark that night, for which Jensen was profoundly grateful. After the upsetting meeting with Danneel and Kim, he would have been hard-put to run a show. Instead, he sat at his desk for a while, idly tapping his pencil as he stared out into space, musing. Finally, he pulled out a contract blank and studied it. Sure enough, there was the offending clause, buried in the boilerplate. _Any_ performance and service demanded by the owner, meaning Sheppard, or immediate termination.

_Fuck, how am I supposed to break this clause? This is crazy. Nobody reads this shit. How does he think they'll just spread their legs like that? And how the hell am I going to stop him?_

His head hurt with the effort of finding a loophole, and finally he threw the pencil across the room, got up, and left his trailer. He vaguely had the idea that some fresh air might help his thinking, give him a fresh idea. He resolutely turned his mind away from the image of how Jared looked as he sprawled on Jensen's bunk, tendrils of unruly hair clinging to his sweaty forehead, cheeks still pink from arousal and exertion, lips moist and--

 _Enough of that, you jerk. You need to take care of your people._ Jensen walked briskly in the night air, scolding himself and willing his half-hard cock to settle down.

"Hey, Jensen, what are you doing out so late?"

Jensen stopped at the feminine voice. Genevieve sauntered over, wearing flannel pajamas and a big, fuzzy pink robe.

"Same to you, missy," he said with attempted casualness. "What's got you up at this hour?"

"Unrequited love," she said with a sigh. He looked at her with surprise, but she simply fell into step with him. He slowed his stride to match hers, and they ambled in silence for a few minutes. The air was cool and clean, and Jensen felt himself starting to relax.

"Have you ever wanted someone who didn't want you back?" Genevieve asked wistfully. "It sucks. I mean, there's this guy, and he's so great - he's sweet, good at his job, handsome. Knows his way around horses like nobody's business, handles my sweeties like a pro. And he doesn't even notice me beyond being friends." She shook her head. "It's not good for a gal's self-esteem, you know?"

The penny dropped.

"You're in love with Jared?" Jensen remembered Danneel saying the horsewoman was crushing on Jared, but he hadn't thought it was that serious. Clearly, he'd been wrong.

Genevieve gave a rueful little laugh. "Yeah, but he's not interested. In fact, it's not just me--it's any woman. He just told me the other day that he's gay. And I'll let you in on a little secret, Jensen--I don't have a dick. So...that's that."

Jensen felt a shadow of guilt, talking to Genevieve about Jared when he himself was now involved with the man.

"I'm sorry, Gen." And he was--he didn't want her hurt.

She shrugged. "Yeah, sucks to be me. I thought that--it's stupid, but I thought we could have been a dual act, you know? Work together _and_ live together. Like Kim and Traci. I love how they are, their partnership. I want that. But...no dice."

Jensen patted her shoulder sympathetically. "We all want to find someone at some point, Gen. It's natural to want that." They'd come around to her trailer, so they stopped walking. Jensen leaned against it with one hand, the other running through his hair. "What are you going to do now? Can you keep going, even with him here? What if he, um, meets someone? Is that going to be okay for you?"

She looked around the circus compound thoughtfully. "This is my home. It's been my home for quite a while now. I don't want to leave without having something to jump to, you know? I guess I'll have to play it by ear, see how it goes." She looked back at Jensen. "I'm a big girl. I may not be happy about it all, but it's not going to run me off."

They were quiet again, listening to the breeze and the soft night time noises of crickets and leaves rustling. A horse whickered, and Genevieve smiled. "There's a townie bent on courting me. Started the second week we were here. He's a good man, honest and well-off, easy on the eyes. If Jared hadn't arrived, I'd probably have let him into my trailer already. But Jared did arrive, and so I held off going any further with Jeffrey. Now...I'm wondering what to do."

Jensen watched the dim light of the night lanterns play on the glossy fall of Genevieve's dark hair. Her dark eyes were fixed on the distance, arched brows drawn together quizzically, and her wide, ripe mouth was pursed in thought. He felt sorry for her, seeing someone she wanted and could never have.

"I'm so sorry, Gen." He wrapped his arms around her, giving her a gentle but firm embrace.

"Thanks, Jensen. Thanks for listening. I won't do anything without letting you know."

"I appreciate that. Whatever you decide, I'll respect it."

She disengaged herself with a fleeting smile and entered her trailer. Jensen stood outside another minute, then continued on his own path, his head full of jumbled and unhappy thoughts.

Jared watched Danneel finish her rehearsal with Sophie. He loved the elephant's heavy grace and dignified air. Danneel clearly loved her partner, and if the way Sophie's trunk curled around her lithe owner signified, she felt the same way.

"Great work, Danni!"

"Thanks, Jared! I think she really likes that new feed, she has more energy. Thanks for letting me know about it." She grabbed a towel and ran it over her face. Jared thought she looked the most beautiful without makeup, just her sparkling eyes, lush chair, and radiant face.

"Of course, just doing my job," he said with a smile.

She came over to him and plopped down on the bench. "I want to say, Jared, you're doing a great job here at Sheppard's. Gen says the same thing. It's easy to see how important the animals are to you."

He ducked his head. "Sure, Danni, like I said--just doing my job."

"And I'm saying, you're doing it well. Take the compliment, silly." She gave him a wide smile, but it vanished a moment later. "And, Jared?"

He murmured, "Danni?" and turned to look at her. Her face was far more serious than he'd expected.

"I know, Jared. About you and Jensen. And I want to tell you, I couldn't be happier. He's needed someone so long--someone who could really give him what he needs." She held up a hand. "I know he told you, or you figured out, whatever. Sure, we've been BFFs. And fuckbuddies. But it never--that was it. It was never more than that."

She stood up and bent to kiss his cheek. "So relax, ya big lug. He's all yours, and no hard feelings. Just...just take good care of him, okay? He never thinks he needs it, but he does."

He nodded as he looked at her searchingly. "I will, Danni. I promise, I will."

The night Jensen had been dreading for over a week arrived at last. Mark Sheppard approached him mid-afternoon, hastening over to him and grabbing his shoulder while he spoke in a low, forceful voice.

"Tonight, Ackles. I have one of those little tents set up on the far side from the trailers with chaises and pillows and rugs in it. I want Danneel there after the show--I'll bring the customer. Got it? This'll be our test run."

Sheppard rubbed his hands together like a malevolent genie rubbing a lamp. Jensen disgustedly thought he was probably counting the cash already.

"I won't do it. I'm not a pimp."

Sheppard rolled his eyes. "Of course you aren't. _I'm_ the pimp. You're merely my hired hand, my muscle, you could say. So muscle the girl on down and I'll get the party started. Capische?"

Jensen managed to run a smooth show, despite his thoughts beating against his skull in an effort to keep this from happening. He saw Danneel at the final bows, but when he went to see her, she wasn't at her trailer.

Steve materialized out of the dark, looking vaguely pissed off, his long blond hair pulled into a ponytail and his muscular arms bulging out of a sleeveless T-shirt.

"What are you doing, Jensen?" he drawled, arms crossed on his chest.

Jensen thought he sounded more belligerent than was normal for the mellow musician. "I'm checking on Danneel. What are you doing, Steve?" He was genuinely curious; he'd suspected the man might have a crush on Danneel, judging by the lingering looks he cast toward her at times, but this was definitely an increase in overt attention.

"I was worried about her. She and Sheppard were arguing earlier. I wanted to be sure he wasn't bothering her. Him or anyone else."

Jensen put up his open hands. "Man, I am not going to bother her. Promise. I'd just like to make sure she's okay."

Steve studied him a moment, then nodded. "I'll do a sweep this way, you go that way?" He gestured, and Jensen realized that his arc of the sweep would take him by the area Sheppard had erected the assignation tent.

"Great. Call me if you find her, and I'll do the same."

They shook hands and parted, walking off into the night.

Jensen did a cursory scan and check of his designated path, but he knew the odds were that Sheppard already had Danneel stashed in the tent for the night's tryst. He hurried his steps, only briefly poking into shadows along the way. He saw the tent, dark even against the night sky, and began to run toward it, apprehension mounting in his heart and making his mouth dry.

When Jensen reached the tent, he flung aside the flap covering its entrance and rushed inside. He stopped in surprise at the opulence of the furnishings: large, silk-covered pillows in reds, golds, and browns; two or three copper lanterns burning low, spattering the whole area with light in the lanterns' cut-out sides; half a dozen candles alight in cut glass jars; blood-red satin sheets with a fake-fur throw on top on a double-size mattress.

 _Clearly Sheppard's taking this crazy scheme seriously, if he's investing this much money into set dressing,_ Jensen thought blankly. To him, it just made the whole thing scarier and more tawdry at the same time.

Danneel sat off to the side, legs curled up on an ottoman. A chocolate silk robe wrapped around her, and her hair was tumbled and loose, shining coppery in the low light. The wrap was snugly sashed at her waist, but fell open from her right shoulder to the belt, exposing an expanse of white skin and one perfect, rose-tipped breast. She was breathing fast, and Jensen's eye was drawn to how her breast quivered as a result. Another time, he would have found the movement of that naked globe enticing; now, he simply felt a hot anger at her unwilling display.

The men responsible for her distress both stood glowering at Jensen. One was Sheppard, his eyes glowering and with an ugly set to his jaw. The other was apparently the client; a tall, fox-faced man with thick, gingery blond hair. He had narrow, ice-blue eyes, a cruel mouth, and a narrow, pointed chin. He was planted behind Danneel, one of his hands still resting on her bare shoulder, his fingers pressing into her smooth skin.

"What the hell, Sheppard? I paid for the whole night!" snarled Fox-Face. "I didn't even get my dick out yet!"

"Now, now, Mr. Pellegrino. Mark, isn't it? Rest assured, Mark, you'll get your full measure of the lovely Danneel's charms, all the way to dawn, just as we agreed. My ringmaster is just a little...excitable at times. He'll be out of your way in a mere shake of a lamb's tail." Sheppard grabbed Jensen's arm and tried to pull him away. "Come along now, boyo. Time to leave the lovebirds in peace."

Sheppard's oily voice appeared to soothe Pellegrino, but it inflamed Jensen. He twisted his arm and wrested it away from Sheppard. "I'm not going anywhere! What is this insanity? Danneel is not a whore! Give this oaf back his money and stop this grotesque farce!"

"Fuck you, this ain't no farce! I paid good money for this hot piece, and I mean to enjoy her!" Pellegrino retorted hotly. "Frankly, I don't give a shit if you two stay and watch!" He leered at Danneel, caressing her shoulder before slipping his hand down to cup her breast. Her eyes closed as she turned her face away, shuddering delicately. He squeezed the plump globe before pinching her small, pink nipple, drawing a whimper from her that made him chuckle.

Repulsion surged through Jensen at seeing Danneel handled so crassly. Her whimper was still in his ears as he stepped forward and punched Pellegrino in the nose. Pellegrino yelled as he fell back, one hand flying to his face, trickles of blood appearing beneath it. Jensen couldn't help noticing that the man was sporting an erection, but the broken nose he was now dealing with would preclude any further action.

"You son of a bitch! You fucking broke my nose! I'm gonna kill you, you asshole!" Pellegrino roared and he hurled himself at Jensen. Danneel ducked and moved away, pulling her robe over herself, and Sheppard jumped to the side even as he sputtered imprecations and pleaded with everyone to calm the fuck down.

Pellegrino launched himself again at Jensen, trying to grapple with him and drive him down to the ground, but Jensen got hold of his hand and bent his thumb back, forcing Pellegrino to release his grip. He swung at Jensen; Jensen saw the hook coming and went low, driving his elbow into Pellegrino's belly. He maneuvered his boot behind Pellegrino's leg, using a swift kick back to knock his feet out from under him. Pellegrino fell hard onto his back, grunting with pain and shock at the impact. Despite his sudden fall, he kept his head enough to swing a fist up at Jensen as he tried to pull him down with his other hand. Jensen dropped to one knee, placing it on Pellegrino's hip and thus pinning the man. Roaring in anger and frustration now, Pellegrino clawed at Jensen, who grabbed his flying arms and pinned them in one hand before delivering a punch and a backhand to Pellegrino's cheekbone.

Suddenly Pellegrino's face creased into a mask of pain as he howled. Jensen was startled--he'd aimed to simply subdue the man. Turning around, he saw Danneel standing between Pellegrino's spread legs, her arms crossed on her chest.

"There," she sniffed. "That'll make him think next time he grabs a lady." She appeared calm, but Jensen could see the tear tracks on her cheeks.

"Can I have the belt to your robe, Danni?" Jensen asked her softly. She nodded and took it off, holding her wrap closed with her other hand. He tied Pellegrino's wrists with the silken band and stood up. All the fight had gone out of Pellegrino, who now lay whimpering, his hands cupping his groin.

Jensen shook his head and reached an arm out to Danneel. He held her close, stroking her hair and whispering, "You okay, sweetie?" She nodded, sighed, and stepped back, looking at him with damp eyes before turning to Sheppard, fidgeting over by the entrance.

"I'm not doing this. I'm never doing this. I'm not a whore, and if I'm going to sleep with someone, it's going to be my choice. Otherwise, Sophie and I are leaving, and I don't care if you do blacklist my name with all the circuses across the whole damn country. Got it?" Her eyes were snapping as she finished, and Jensen appreciated anew her spirit and beauty.

Instead of cowing Sheppard, though, her words seemed to rile him up. "Fine! You leave, Missy, and you'll never perform again! And don't think you'll take that behemoth with you--I'm keeping it to cover for loss of revenue! Go pack your little bags and begone, you vixen!"

Horror exploded across Danneel's face, and she screeched, "You can't take my elephant! Sophie belongs to _me!_ You leave her alone, you fucking troll!" She flew at Sheppard, hands out like claws, nails curved to strike. He batted her blows away, but she managed to snag a couple of fingers and left him with two red trails across his cheek. Sheppard yowled and clapped a hand to his injured face. He lunged forward with surprising speed and backhanded Danneel across her face, sending her to the ground.

Jensen jumped forward, yelling angrily as he swung at Sheppard, but the circus owner darted through the tent's opening and was gone. Jensen itched to go after him, but he stopped to check on Danneel first. As he crouched next to her, Jared rushed into the tent, hair flying and shirt only half-buttoned.

"Jensen! Are you okay? What's going on? Sheppard just ran out of here like a--Danneel! Are you all right? Jensen, _what the fuck is happening?_ " His voice quavered as he spoke, one hand running agitatedly through his hair.

Jensen helped Danneel sit up, then released her for a moment as he embraced Jared. Jared threw his arms around Jensen, and there were several seconds where Jensen's entire world was contained within that strong embrace; Jared's tall, hard body leaning into his, Jared's scent filling his nose, Jared's warm, faintly moist skin pressed against his face. _God, you're all I need,_ Jensen thought dimly. _Need you, Jared, want you right the fuck now._ He took a deep breath, fighting to calm down, the adrenaline of the fight still pulsing through him, pushing him to claim Jared. _Not now, dammit. But soon. You're mine, and I'm done with hiding it._

He relaxed under the pressure of Jared's arms, but knew that he had to finish seeing this fiasco through. He picked his head up and looked into Jared's beautiful eyes, giving his lover a soft kiss before stepping back. Jared's eyes were wide--they hadn't made their relationship public yet, only talked about it. Jensen patted his cheek and smiled. _It's okay, baby._

"Jensen...we didn't say...you and me?" Jared spoke softly, keeping it private between them.

"You and me? That's a piece of cake. No worries there, okay?"

Jared nodded, a smile now playing over his lips.

Jensen gave him a final pat and cleared his throat. Danneel had risen and was smirking at him, her arms crossed as she eyed Jared and him.

"Yeah, yeah, put a lid on it, Danni," he said dryly. "Let's finish up this mess with Sheppard."

Her eyes went round. "Oh, God! Sophie!"

She whirled around and dashed out of the tent. Jensen took off after her--he knew she was heading for Sophie's tent.

Which apparently was where Sheppard had headed as well, because the night was suddenly filled with elephant bugling. Danneel yelled Sophie's name, running fast, regardless of the cold ground and rough grass underneath her bare feet. Jensen was hot after her, fear fueling his legs and making his heart pound. He could hear Jared's feet thudding behind him, panting as he too sped after Danneel.

He didn't even know what he feared would happen, he just knew with a terrible urgency that he needed to catch Danneel, needed to stop Sheppard. Needed to shut down this sleazy scenario that Sheppard had set up. Need to _protect_ what was his--his people, his place.

_You're done, Sheppard. It's all over except the leaving._

He didn't even know how, he didn't care how, just that it was going to happen.

_This place is mine now._

Just as they reached the elephant tent, Steve joined them. He grabbed Danneel's hand and pulled her into a brief hug. She looked surprised, but hugged him back.

"Are you okay?" he asked, but her reply was cut off by another trumpet from Sophie.

"Got to go inside! He's trying to take Sophie!" barked Jensen.

"Who?" asked Steve with a confused look on his face, and Jensen remembered he was unaware of the whole scene in the tryst tent.

"Sheppard! We're looking for Sheppard!"

But Sheppard was nowhere to be seen. Only the intermittent bugling of the distressed elephant signified that he was inside the tent. The quartet turned as one to enter, Jared pushing aside the big canvas flap for them.

Sophie stood in the center of the tent, raising her trunk in agitation. Sheppard stood before her, holding a length of chain and yelling at her. Jensen realized he was trying to calm her, and that he probably wanted to loop the chain around her leg so he could lead her. Brief speculation about where he would take the elephant breezed through Jensen's head, but he shook it away to concentrate on what was happening right in front of him.

Danneel yelled at Sheppard, "Stop! You're scaring her!"

Sheppard ignored her, reaching down and picking something up from the ground. Something a couple of feet long, jeweled apparently, judging by the sparkle of the lanterns on it. Sheppard raised it and then Jensen saw what it was--saw the hook, the spike, the sharp menace of polished brass.

It was an elephant hook, an ankush.

" _No!_ " screamed Danneel. She whirled to face Jared. "I've never used one of those on Sophie! She won't understand it! Make him _stop!_ " Tears ran down her cheeks as she turned back to Sheppard, begging him to leave Sophie alone.

Sheppard yelled at the elephant again, brandishing the ankush. Jensen looked around bewildered. He'd had to control many things at the circus, but never an upset, threatened elephant.

"Hold back," said Jared in his ear. "She's pretty riled up, there's no telling what she'll do. Sheppard needs to fall back and stop yelling at her, let her settle down." Jensen looked at him and saw how grave and concerned his face was. "She's several tons of angry animal--this could go really bad in a heartbeat, Jen."

Jensen nodded dumbly and stepped back. Danneel was too scared to grab Sheppard while he wielded the ankush, but she kept imploring him to leave Sophie alone, the hem of her silk robe dragging in the dirt. It had fallen open, her missing belt forgotten in her distress, but the exposure of her naked body was meaningless in the struggle between the man and the elephant.

"Enough!" screamed Sheppard. "You will obey me! I am your owner now!" He poked her leg with the ankush, and Sophie bugled loudly and stamped. "Stop that! Stand still and let me put this chain on, you stupid animal!" He moved forward cautiously, chain still in one hand, and poked Sophie again with the ankush, harder this time, as a trail of blood began running down her leg.

Danneel collapsed on the ground sobbing, reviling and begging Sheppard in the same breath. Steve knelt over her, trying to calm her. Jensen was frozen--he didn't dare approach the angry elephant. Jared was right next to him, one hand gripping Jensen's arm for a moment before he darted forward and grabbed Danneel, wrapping one long arm around her waist and hauling her back. Steve jumped up and moved to Jared's side, still trying to calm the distressed woman. Danneel screamed and fought Jared's hold, her fists pummeling his arm and her feet kicking at his legs, but Jared never loosened his grip.

Sheppard waved the ankush around, cursing at the elephant, jabbing at her again and again. _Has he gone insane?_ Jensen wondered at the man's idiocy. The four of them stood there, Danneel sobbing and the three men transfixed, watching Sheppard try to impose his ownership and authority on an enraged elephant.

"Jesus, he can't do this, he's gotta stop..." breathed Jared. "She's too angry."

Jensen shot a glance at Jared and saw the fear there. He yelled, "Don't be an idiot, Sheppard! Back off the elephant!"

Danneel's screams fell to sobs, and she turned in Jared's embrace, burying her face into his neck as her body sagged against his. Jared turned and gently disengaged her, guiding her into Steve's ready embrace. Steve held her carefully, running one hand over her disheveled hair and whispering in her ear.

Sophie reared up, bugling again and again, and Sheppard moved closer, trying to get the chain around one massive foot.

"No!" shouted Jensen, about to run forward until Jared put a strong hand on his arm and held him back.

"Jensen! Stay here!" Jared yelled, his voice urgent. Jensen looked uncomprehendingly at him, but another bugle brought all their attentions back to the scene in front of them.

They were just in time to see Sophie's huge foot descend onto Mark Sheppard and smash him to the ground.

All three men yelled in shock and horror. Danneel started to turn around, but Steve held her head against his shoulder. "No, Danni, no. Don't look!" Jensen thought he was going to throw up, and when he manage to glance at Jared, he saw Jared's jaw clenching and unclenching as he swallowed hard.

"What is it? What happened? Is Sophie all right?" Danneel begged, managing to look sideways at Jensen.

"Sophie...Sophie's fine. She's fine." Jensen couldn't look away. He watched Sophie bring her foot down another time or two--not as hard, but firmly--before she slowly walked away, heading for her hay rack.

Steve released Danneel's head and she spun around, hair and wrap in a whirl around her, stopping when she saw Sheppard's unmoving body.

"Is he--is he _dead?_ " she gasped. She looked at Jensen, then Jared, turning back to Jensen again. He nodded, not trusting his voice to clear the lump in his throat yet. Danneel looked at Sheppard's body once more. "Oh God...did Sophie...? Was it Sophie?" Her eyes begged them to say no, but Jensen couldn't say it.

"It's okay, Danni. Yes, it was Sophie," said Jared in a surprisingly soothing voice. "The bastard was tormenting her with that goddamn ankush, and she just finally...fought back. It was perfectly natural--she was simply protecting herself. That's all--just protecting herself." He shook his head. "We tried to get him to stop, but the fool..." His voice trailed away.

Danneel nodded slowly. She glanced down and seemed to notice for the first time that she was half-naked, tightly wrapping the robe back around herself. She left Steve's embrace and walked over to Sheppard's body. Jared went to catch her, stop her before she could see, but Jensen stopped him.

"She needs to see. Then she can put it behind her."

Jared looked at Danneel sadly, but nodded and stayed with Jensen. Danneel walked all the way around Sheppard, staring at the grisly remains, a hand over her mouth. She stood still for a moment before turning aside, falling to her knees, and vomiting with gasps and shudders.

"Fuck!" Jensen muttered, kicking himself for not going over with her after all. Or maybe Jared had been right and he should have stopped her. He ran over to her, catching her hair back and supporting her shoulders as she gave a couple of wet coughs. He pulled out his handkerchief and she wiped her mouth with it and dropped it on the ground.

"Sorry," she muttered. "I thought...he was more...ugh." She stood up and he felt her shaking.

"Come on, honey, let's get you back to your tent, okay?" Jensen said softly, keeping an arm around her waist.

"No, I have to see Sophie, make sure she's okay." Danneel's back straightened and her voice firmed. "I have to take care of her." She turned big, wet eyes on Jensen. His chest ached at her grief. "We aren't going to put her down or anything, are we?" Her voiced broke into a quaver at the end of her question.

Jensen felt at a loss to make a ruling that very moment. He offered what he could. "Danni, let's go over all of this in the morning, with clearer heads. I certainly don't want to do that, and I'm not planning on it, but we'll have to look into what the ramifications of this are."

She looked momentarily defiant, as if she was going to protest, but then took a deep breath and sagged against his chest. "Yes, of course. You're right. Let me just look at her and make sure she's set for the night." He nodded and released her, staying close as she went over to where Sophie was placidly eating some hay.

Jared joined them. "I think she'll be quiet the rest of the night. She's tired from the show and then from the fight, so now that she's had some hay, I think she'll sleep. I suggest someone keep watch from a distance just in case there's any problems, but otherwise let's do everything normally. Following her established routine will help her be calm as well."

They turned to look at Sheppard, and Jensen felt his gorge rise. The man was...flattened, bones crushed inside a sack of skin. Pools and puddles of blood circled his body, apparently forced out of the many splits in his skin as the elephant's weight had descended. His skull resembled a pancake.

Jensen gagged and fought back the urge to throw up right there. Jared caught him as he turned away from it, drawing him a few steps away, facing him toward the tent entrance instead.

"It's okay, Jen, just breathe. You're okay." Jared's voice was so calm, and his hand rubbing up and down Jensen's back felt so soothing, the strong palm and fingers easing his stiff muscles. "It's horrible, but you're okay. Slow, deep breaths."

Jensen nodded and obeyed. As he regained his composure, he asked Jared, "How are you not...am I just a wuss?" He studiously avoided looking back at the Sheppard-pancake.

"No, of course not. I'm just more used to things like this. Not people, of course, but I've seen a lot of dead animals. You don't get used to it, really, but you learn to adjust to it. It can be sad or awful, but it hardly ever makes me sick anymore."

Jensen nodded again. Made sense. He'd never seen a dead body at all before, much less one so grotesquely maimed as this. He swallowed again. He didn't feel the need to ever see one again.

Danneel came over. "Sophie's pretty settled now." Her eyes flicked over to the body and back. "What do we do with...that?"

Jensen said, "We'll have to get a couple of the roustabouts. I'll get Chris."

She looked puzzled. "Speaking of that, Jen--where is everyone?"

"What?" Jensen's mind felt foggy. "What do you mean?"

She gestured around the tent. "All of this got pretty loud. Where is everyone? I can't believe at least some of the crew didn't come running with all this noise."

Jensen and Jared exchanged looks. Jensen had been so caught up in the events of the night, he hadn't even considered that.

"Shit," breathed Jared.

Jensen rubbed the back of his neck. "Well, let's find out." He walked to the tent entrance and pulled back the flap.

A crowd of performers and crew stood there, buzzing as they watched the tent. Jensen kicked himself for not realizing this would have happened.

Jared came up behind him. "Take it easy, Jen. You've got this. It's yours now." A hand came to rest on his shoulder. "I'm behind you all the way."

Danneel came up on the other side, Steve beside her. She slipped her hand into Jensen's. "Me too. Do it."

Jensen took a deep breath and stepped forward. Silence fell as everyone looked at him and waited.

"There's been a terrible accident tonight..."


	5. Chapter 5

 

 

Jensen swept off his top hat and bowed deeply as he wished the audience a good night. Darkness fell as the lights were extinguished, and he quickly made his way backstage. The other performers crowded around as they all congratulated him and each other. He smiled with pleasure as he hugged Danneel, Traci, Chad, Misha, and the rest of the circus performers. It had been a great show.

Kim waddled up for a hug. No spangly costume tonight--being eight months pregnant meant she was sitting out the shows these days. Traci kissed her and caressed her belly tenderly. Jensen thought it was true, pregnant women really did glow. Despite looking a little tired, Kim was radiant.

Danneel kissed his cheek. "You and Jared done good there," she said, nodding at the aerialists. Kim and Traci had been unable to decide between Jared and Jensen as the future father. In the end, the seed of both men had been mixed and implanted in Kim's womb. They wouldn't know who the father was for another month or so.

Strong hands encircled Daneel's waist as Steve's long blond hair tumbled over her shoulder. He laughed as she playfully smacked at him, then shook Jensen's hand, congratulating him on the show. Jensen felt happy for them as they walked away hand-in-hand, leaning against each other. It had taken a catastrophe to make the shy musician ask Danneel out, but they'd been going strong ever since.

"Hey," a male voice murmured behind him. Jensen turned and tilted his face up to meet Jared's kiss. The First of May who'd joined Sheppard's Spectacular Circus so many months ago now openly worked and lived as Jensen's partner, assured in his work with the circus's animals, and lately, a confident performer in the ring. Genevieve had left the show a month or so after Sheppard's death, stating she felt she had no future there, and instead accepting Jeffery Dean Morgan's marriage proposal and leaving the traveling life. She'd bequeathed her horses to Jared, and after a few months of hard work, he'd debuted a new act with them that was getting enthusiastic reviews. Jensen was delighted every time he saw Jared step into the ring, beaming proudly as his lover deftly performed his act with the beautiful white horses to rousing applause.

Between changes like Jared's act and the general lifting of spirits as the circus adjusted to life without Sheppard's dark, venal presence, revenues had slowly risen. Bookings were plentiful, and the increased profits made for a more comfortable life for everyone, as well as inspiring them all to work even harder. Padackles' Astounding Jamboree was making an excellent name for itself on the circuit.

Now the two men stood together, an island amid the swirling crowd busy sharing hugs and congratulations. Jensen loved the post-show hubbub, the night air redolent with the rich smells of popcorn and boiled peanuts and manure, the tail end of cheerful music still playing as the last of the audience departed. There'd be food and drink to share with everyone shortly, and then he and Jared would finally be alone in their trailer. Jensen was already planning on how he was going to slowly strip Jared of his fancy dress and then take him apart, kiss by kiss. He shivered as his cock hardened.

"Good show tonight," Jared said as he hugged Jensen. He drew back and winked at him as he felt Jensen's erection through his breeches. "Oh, _very_ good show, I see!" He smacked Jensen's ass.

Jensen shrugged with pretend casualness. "Oh, you know. It was all right. Just another night at the circus."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Many thanks to spn_reversebang and its terrific mods!! I'm very excited to be participating in this challenge for a second year.
> 
> Enormous thanks to righteousbros, whose beautiful artwork intrigued me and prompted this story in the first place. Happily, she liked the notes I sent her after claiming, as well as the subsequent drafts. She was inspired to create the beautiful story banner in addition to modifying the original art poster, and whipped up a set of colorful and fun chapter headers and story dividers that bring so much to the story. Please be sure to visit her Art Post on livejournal to see it all and leave her some love! 
> 
> Heartfelt thanks to ephermeralk, for terrific and timely beta work! I so appreciate your time and help on this :-)
> 
> Thank you to roxymissrose and etoile_etiolee, for your alpha reads and moral support! Your encouragement makes such a difference every time, bbs!


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